A New Non-Violent and Inexpensive Hobby

The Rock

A true story that happened last week,

written by means of cowboy poetry.

Just sittin' in a vacant lot,

A couple down from me,

I gazed upon that slab of stone

And envisioned it by our tree.

But to move it from its current spot,

Into my own bare front yard,

Would be the test I'd have to face

And I knew it would be hard.

So to the rock I walked from home,

Just wearin' comfy brown flip-flops,

I sized up that mighty stone

And knew alone I'd bust my chops.

But then the thought of my good friend,

A strong and sturdy fireman,

The two of us would be good as gold

So to the phone away I ran.

"Are you up for a challenge?" I had asked,

"You bet I am," he answered fast,

In two quick shakes he had arrived

The time had come for the chore at last.

With the big red hand truck we settled in,

To move that 1/2 ton mini boulder,

With real poor footing we slipped and fell

And I thought for sure I tore my shoulder.

Ol' Darin's force threw him backwards,

He did two awkward somersaults,

I thought for sure if he got hurt

That bad misfortune would be my fault.

As the mighty fireman lay on his back,

I realized I was still in the way,

For that rock still had me in its sights

And I knew the time had come to pray.

With dolly still in hand,

I felt my balance quickly fade,

It was save the dolly or my back

I chucked the dolly the decision was made.

As my body flew backward,

I watched the hand truck fly high,

My two feet tried to scramble

But all I saw was blue sky.

When all the dust finally settled,

And we knew no bones were broken,

We sat there and giggled

No words could be spoken.

As we looked at that rock,

We saw we moved two feet,

More determined I grew

For I'd never say defeat.

With simple thinkin' and physics,

Along with a very low flat-bed,

We muscled that stone up,

Now that's called usin' yer head.

Once in my own front yard,

We heaved and then we hoed,

That great stone fell with a thud

True manliness we'd showed.

This story has three morals,

They're very plain to see,

You may already know them,

It's too hard to disagree.

Never weaken and live to laugh,

Those are two we all should know,

And friends are also nice to have

Whenever you need a good heave-hoe.

-Patrick Swain

May 9, 2010