The Kinder Caroler

Jackson had his Kindergarten Christmas Concert on Thursday, he did AWESOME!  He sang his little heart out and looked like he had a pretty good time doing it!  :) He really loves to sing!  (I got video of him singing, but I need to get a cord for the video camera to download it.  I really wish now that I had taken more pictures!  Bummer!)  He looked SUPER handsome! :)

Here he is sitting with his class on stage between songs.

Harrison and Reagan enjoyed it too!  :)

And after... SO proud.  He was a little nervous before it started, but you never would have known!  :)  We're so proud of you buddy! 

Hi, my name is Jennie and...

...I had my first meltdown at the grocery store tonight.  Yep, me.  Well, and Reagan. (But that's normal.) We had a really good time tonight at Jackson's Christmas concert. (Thank you Kim for your help, and video to come if I figure it out.)  But we had to run to the store to grab some things for a school party Jackson has tomorrow... and today has been our first official day out of quarantine.  No big deal, right?!  Apparently not.

Reagan was hungry, so she was laying in the seat of the cart drinking a bottle (I usually have her in a backpack thing at the store, she can't sit in the cart.), Harrison was "driving" the car attached to the front of the cart and Jackson was walking and doing an excellent job of being good!  We got everything we needed, it was awesome!  And then the check out came.  Reagan finished eating and started to cry.  I picked her up, she continued to cry.  I am used to her crying at the store, it's part of life with Reagan, so it wasn't a big deal to me. I laid her back down to unload my cart... she got louder.  I looked back and saw the glares of the 9 people behind me in line. I was trying to hurry, that was about all I could do.  

I had to wrangle the boys, Harrison was trying to escape.  And as I got back up to the register I was met by the same 9 irritated faces!  I hadn't cost them any time, the cashier was still ringing me up.  I didn't have too many items for the line.  But I quickly noticed that Reagan seemed to be the main source of irritation. The lady behind me was really upset with me for laying her in the cart and letting her crying, she kept turning around to loudly tell her husband.  She had a very new baby with her, a girl, who didn't make a peep.  It was probably really easy for her to judge me. 

I really wanted to say something to her, "My daughter can't sit in a cart, or won't might be the better word, and yes I know she's almost 1.  My daughter hates the store, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.  My daughter isn't like yours lady.  So if it bothers you so much, remember my face, and next time don't get behind me in line!".  Sigh... I was much feistier in my head... instead I cowered and kept my eyes down.  I couldn't say anything, I was busy fighting back the tears... The cashier was super nice and helpful.  We hurried and got loaded up.  I picked Reagan up, she hugged me and kept crying.  And I held it in until I got to the door.  ...She stopped the moment we got outside.  As usual.  But I lost it. 

It isn't the first time I've had it happen, the crying or staring or comments, or even the worst.  I think what got to me was the look on that ladys face, like something was wrong with me!  I'm not a perfect mom, I think my last few posts can vouch for that, but I try really hard!  And for some reason, it really hurt me.  Usually I ignore them all together or if I feel it's necessary, say something to help them understand.  I don't cry about it... But I felt broken. 

We got loaded in the car.  I put the car in reverse and waited for the guy next to me to back out.  He stopped part way out and I realize he had hit my cart that I left behind my car.  Oh crap!  I get out to apologize and (I kid you not) with the sweetest voice he smiles and acts like he thought it was his and tells me to have a good night.  I cried even harder when I got back in the car.  Heaven bless people like him!  It was obvious the cart wasn't his.  He had an actual right to be upset with me.  Maybe he was afraid I would have a psychotic break.  All I know is that he didn't have to be nice, but he was anyway. 

So I cried at the store today.  I'm sure it won't be the last time.  But what I really wanted to remember about it, was how it ended, with some kindness from a stranger.   

Retraction!

Ok, so I felt REALLY guilty after my last post!  And truthfully I should!  Life is NOT that hard!  I blame my emotional state on a lack of sleep.  So I am sorry!  I do want to say thank you to those of you who commented, emailed or called!  I am very lucky to have such amazing people in my life!  

I also want to say that I am so THANKFUL for this time of year (even when it's chaos and doesn't go as planned)!  I love that people start to give and love and help each other more, I wish it lasted all year!  It's like we are all just a little closer to the Savior at Christmas, or He is a little closer to us.  I truly LOVE the season.

I am also incredibly grateful for my kids!  I may not have sounded that way, but I am.  I am SO blessed to be their mom and have their loves and laughs... and their boogers and puke!  :)  It's the coolest/greatest/hardest job I have or will ever have!  And I wouldn't trade it for anything!  I love them more than words can say!!!

I am also SUPER DUPER grateful for Patrick!  I love him SO much!  He works so hard and so much and he still managed to help me out a lot this week!  And I'm also very grateful for the work he is doing!  It's not always the easiest job, and this week we were all reminded, it isn't always the safest either!  My heart breaks for the family who lost someone they love, they have been on my mind a lot, and in our prayers too!  I'm a very lucky lady to have Patrick, I know it, but sometimes I forget to make sure he knows it!  He is my person!  And I don't know what I would do without him!!!  

Now that things are in a clearer perspective, and I have had some sleep, I don't have much to complain about!  I'm sorry that I did!  ...And now it's time to get my medicated (and feeling better) butt into gear, Christmas is Coming!  :) 

12 Days of Christmas - or something like it

I have admittedly had a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year.  I'm feeling a lot more like a Grinch than a Who!  I have barely started Christmas shopping, I haven't even started on Christmas cards... mostly because I managed NOT to get the family picture taken that I was hoping for, I am tired... and I am SICK of whiny kids, who really don't need anything... especially when they whine!  And then this week was kind of the week from H@#$!  I know, not very Christmas-like at all!  But it's been really getting to me!  I don't usually vent on my blog, but tonight I needed to.... however, I decided I should put it into a song... a Christmas song, that I truthfully sort of hate, seemed appropriate!  haha.

12 fevers raging
11 puked on towels
10 days left to shop
9 boxes of tissues
8 hours of screaming (per day, at least)
7 lumps of coal
6 boogery nostrils
5 visits to the Doctor
4 hours of sleep
3 shots for Reagan
2 cases of Strep
And a broken window in the Nursery.

Obviously we've had some sickness.  And I know, I am not the only mom out there dealing with it, but I feel like I've been beat down!  Jackson broke the window.  Harrison and Reagan both got horrible colds at the same time - the puker is Reagan, she can't handle the snot!  Harrison's quickly turned into a raging unmanageable fever - he's our magnet for infection - Strep.  I hoped for the best with Reagan, but sure enough her fever just kept getting higher and higher - double ear infection.  Only she isn't as easy as a Rx.  She can't take oral antibiotics, thus the shots - and 3 extra Dr. visits.  Best part of all, she has been screaming for 4 days straight.  Started out as screams of sickness misery and evolved into screams of pure agony... the shots are painful, think Tetanus, and she's had two in two days, the third one is tomorrow.  You can't move her without hurting her!  Jackson has been SO naughty and WHINY, probably because he isn't getting tons of attention at the moment - but at least he isn't sick, although he woke up coughing a few minutes ago.  What the heck?!  And I am the other lucky one with Strep, so I'm not exactly oozing with patience or energy or much of anything... I mostly want to sleep... for a long time!  I feel like CRAP - physically and emotionally!  And I only have 10 days to get Christmas taken care of!  Jackson has a Christmas concert on Thurs. and I HAVE to be there, it's not optional, Patrick will be working!  So everybody HAS to be better by then!  (Screaming included!)  I want to cry, in fact I am.  But I vented, and it did help a little!  Harrison is doing tons better, so that is something too.  I really am not totally ungrateful, I know how blessed we are!  ...But my nerves are shot, it's almost midnight, Reagan is still screaming, I'm exhausted and alone... and I have to be up at 6 am with Jackson!  Maybe I'll have more cheer when I get some sleep! 

...Deep breath... angry rant over.  (I promise not to do this again for at least a year!) 

Jackson VS the window... and other adventures

My dear sweet "hearing-impaired" Jackson has a condition called... Selective Hearing or SH.  As far as I know there is no cure for SH, but we treat it at our house with a lot of repetitive elevated vocal commands (or yelling... yes, I am so proud).  He is a good boy!  I know that!  And he doesn't mean for things to go wrong.  But he just doesn't ever seem to hear me when I need him to!  Like while I'm changing Reagan's bum, and he comes into her room to chat... which leads to him climbing into the rocking chair in the corner.... that is followed by rocking and numerous "Jackson, stop." "Jackson, stop." Jackson, STOP!" As he gets it rocking faster and harder.... and successfully launches it backwards.... right into the window!!! 

The sound of breaking glass did two things... Brought a look of realization to his face... and a look that could kill to mine, along with a strange eye twitch, which was probably the only thing stopping me from burning holes through him with my eyes!  I didn't yell (strangely enough)... although, I'm not sure that was a good thing... sometimes quiet/calm angry Mom is more dangerous!  But lucky for him, I was still trying to take care of Reagan!  Saved by the blow-out!  He should be SO grateful for his little sister!  haha.  We still haven't decided if he is getting Christmas, it will depend on the cost to fix the window... Let's be honest!  But we have him pretty scared... and that really is something!... Lucky for him we LOVE him, so we'll be keeping him!  :) (They need to make a dog training collar for kids, only instead of responding to barking, it should shock them when they whine or ignore their mother! I'm kidding, mostly!  ...NOW I sound like a horrible mother!  haha.)   

On a much happier note, he got to make a cute gingerbread house in school yesterday!  He was covered in frosting when he got home, a pretty sure sign that it was SUPER fun!  :)  He was guarding it with his life, but he did share a few pieces with Dad and Harrison.  haha.  He did a grea job!

And he got to participate in making a class t-shirt.  Each child got to draw their own face and write their name.  SO stinking cute!  :) 

After school yesterday I picked him up from the bus, and we headed to Pizza Hut to get his free Book It pizza.  (He earns coupons from school for doing his reading.) It was a lot of fun just the two of us.  He said it was "So Awesome!"  :)  And that the only thing missing was Dad and Harrison and Reagan.  haha.  He is a sweet-heart... even with SH!  :) 

Chicken Fred

Harrison "Chicken Fred" Swain.  Yep, he's ours.  Yep, he's weird.  Yep, we laugh at him a lot.  And Yep, he totally takes after his dad.  (See post "Patrick's Playtime" for proof!)  Thus, the need for a weird nickname like Chicken Fred... which sadly fits him... in the weirdest way!  LOL!

It would probably help if I didn't dress him like a hobo... my bad! haha.

I have no idea what he is doing here...

Or here...

He is always doing weird things with his fingers... and his eyes!  haha.

 He is transforming...

Maybe we need to get him out more!  haha.  My little buddy!  Different is good!  ;)

Little Miss

Reagan has been so funny lately, we are definitely getting to see more and more of her personality everyday!  And I just can't help myself... but I take a lot of pictures of this kid!  :)  She's always good for a smile!  (My awesome neighbor made this beany for her... a-freaking-mazing!) 

She just realized she had something on her head! 

And then she forgot about it for a second. (If that's not the face of trouble... I don't know what is!)  :)

Oh wait... she found it again and tried to eat it!  :)

She was looking at me through the hat!  haha.  (And probably wondering why I wasn't saving her from it!)

I cannot believe she is going to be 1 next month.  It feels like it's been 3 years and yet she still seems so little!  It's just crazy!  But that little face... there isn't anything that she doesn't make better!  ...And I just want to squish it and kiss it all the time! 

Sweet Baby Girl!

Patrick's Playtime

While we were all sleeping on Thanksgiving... Patrick was busy taking creepy pictures of us... but he also stopped to reflect on himself!  ;)  I LOVE him!

...And I have 15 more just like these!  What a goof-ball!  And he wonders where our kids get it from!  Really?  :)