3 Little (and sort of Big) Things

Yesterday was Sunday.  But it was a big Sunday for our little family.  It was the Primary Program.  Which marked the first for Harrison, a Sunbeam.  (Jackson is a little more seasoned. ;)  But both boys worked really hard to memorize their parts.  And did!  Jackson has no problem getting up in front of people, in fact he loves it!  :)  But Harrison, as mentioned before, does not!  He has anxiety over walking into the Primary room filled with kids!  (Literally, tears and panic, almost every week!)  He has gotten a little better about it.  He even wore his sunglasses one week... very funny... but they actually helped!  :) 

So when it came time to practice the program in the Chapel, on the stand.... it didn't take long for the panic to join us.  It broke my heart.  He is so sweet.  And he was so scared.  We talked for about the first hour of the practice (from the pews) as we watched the kids go through their parts.  We talked about how being scared is ok, because that's how we learn to be brave. Eventually, he calmed down.  He agreed to try it out and see if it was something he thought he could do.... and he finished the practice from his seat with his class.  :)  He didn't do his speaking part, and that was ok.  He was doing what he felt he could do, he even sang a little bit, and I couldn't have been prouder. 

But I was worried about Sunday.  I was afraid he was going to panic, and cry, and not go up with his class... and then feel bad or think that we were disappointed in him.  So we made it clear, he was brave for trying, and he had already done that.  And we prayed for bravery, lots and lots of it!  :)

So when Sunday came.  We tried to get there early (we have 7:30 am church, it took some dedication) and get a good seat where we knew he would be able to see us.  And we talked to Jackson about helping him get up there and find his seat, so he wouldn't panic or feel lost.  ....I tell you what, Harrison is so lucky to have the big brother he has!  When it was time for the Primary to go up on the stand, Jackson put his arm around Harrison's shoulder and walked him up through the crowd right to his seat.  Smiling and talking to him the whole time.  Harrison's face didn't look convinced... but Jackson got him there!  The fact that he made it to his seat almost brought me to tears!  But watching the 2 of them, made my heart swell! 

Jackson the Compassionate.

And then the coolest thing happened.  Harrison got up with his class... and did his part, all by himself. "My name is Harrison Swain.  And I know the scriptures are true."  I cried a little, I'm not gonna lie!!  I was hoping for him to just make it to his seat, and possibly sing a little.  But this was a small miracle!  And he was so proud of himself!  Which was the very best part!  We got a pretty confident thumbs up as soon as he sat back down in his seat!  :) 

Harrison the Brave.

Jackson loves to sing and he did just that, every word!  He nailed his part too.  "I can live with my family forever by following Gods plan." He tried really hard to suppress the huge grin on his face as he walked back to his seat!  :)  I love it when they know how great they are... without being told!  When they feel that they've accomplished something!  Beaming... that's what I was!  I probably would have been all out sobbing (I'm recklessly emotional lately!) if I wasn't totally afraid of embarrassing myself!  So I contained it the best I could!  ...And now I'm writing about it on the Internet for everyone to read... go figure!  hahahaha.

And just when I didn't think the day could get any better... I was asked to substitute in Nursery.  (Ok, that's not the best part! ;)  But it meant that in order to really be helpful, Reagan would need to go to her Nursery class.... without me.  Hmmm.....  It's early church.  Reagan gets tired... and a little grouchy.  And she needs a little more attention and help than other kids her age.  So there was some guilt on my part too.  I feel bad making other people hold/entertain/care for her when I can do it.  But on this Sunday, I couldn't.  So I took her to her class.  To her fabulous teacher, that I absolutely adore and trust, just to clarify.  And I left her there.... (Ok, now that I'm writing this, it sounds like it was actually harder for me than her.  But I'm not apart from her hardly ever.  And I really didn't know how long she would last or how bad it would get before they would have to come and find me.)  I was scared....

She was not!  She had a whole room filled with other little people, toys to play with, singing, and crackers!  And.... she LOVED it!  Shocking, I know.  She was even happier on the ride home than usual. ;)  I don't usually catch myself underestimating her.  I push her and work with her and help her... and then sometimes... I'm her crutch.  The crutch she obviously doesn't need.  ;) 

Reagan the Independent.

Oh, my kids.  Just when I think I may not be able to survive all the big things.... they go and do all these little things that make me mush!  :)  I get so caught up in life sometimes, I wonder how present I am as a mom.  How many of these little "big" things I miss. I needed to write about this day.  I felt so incredibly lucky to know these 3 little people, let alone to be their mom. 

I love when they surprise me... surprise isn't the right word.... when they impress me.  It's not that I don't think they have it in them, I know they do!  Harrison is brave, most times he's the bravest of the 3.  Jackson is the caregiver, he loves and worries and helps so much.  And Reagan is her own strong, determined, capable person. ....Apparently knowing it and seeing it are two very different things.  I think these were big moments in time for me because I was present in them ...and they showed me what I already knew...  What these kids are made of!  And it's mostly pretty good stuff!  :)